Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to have your abortion
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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