You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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