Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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