Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
