I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
