So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
