he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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