you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
