am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
