he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
