Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
