look no pants
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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