the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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