doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
