I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
