how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
