I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
