Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
