idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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