Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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