everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
