Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
