I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
