hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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