Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
