I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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