i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize