god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
