I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
