I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
