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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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