Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
