Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
