If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
