Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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