walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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