well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize