Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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