Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
