nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
