I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
