Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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