First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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