people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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