don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
