oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
