At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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