Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
