Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
