Im at strip club and am horny
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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