I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
