Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my sisters under your porch take her home
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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