how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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