but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
