Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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