You can't special order awesome
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
