he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
