He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
