I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
