By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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