He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
