I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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