I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize