I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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