pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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