Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
