My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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