I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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