Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
