Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize