no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
