i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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