My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is the high leading the old right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
