It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
