ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
