party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
