Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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