something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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