We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
