Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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