I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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