Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Boobs are out for the taking
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
