I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
