there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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